Wow, haven’t updated this blog for a while, huh?
I thought after I’ve finished with National Exam I will be able to blog regularly. Turns out I didn’t hahaha. I was occupied with yearbook, prom preparations, and my Science class farewell party; as well as preparing a lot of stuffs for university enrollment and daily Chinese class. I can say that almost all of my after-exam plans are messed lol.
I planned that after exam is done, I will make more stuffs and start my shop as soon as possible (because university ain’t cheap yo). I also want to save money more and blog more. But aside from those preparations, I got the biggest creative block ever for like, a week or so. I spent my time with Pinteresting and obsessing over Lize Meddings. And I’ve spent so much to pay yearbook and farewell party fees, and some food night outs with my friends…
After the block is over, I started some experiments again. But they kinda frustrate me because they don’t look like what I’ve imagined. My obsession towards perfection is kinda unhealthy, heh. I’ve made and painted some clay pins and notebooks, but they just.. don’t meet my satisfaction. I always feel there’s something wrong. I think I have a problem.
(p.s: follow my Instagram for instant updates)
These days, I always feel anxious. I’m scared I’ve made a wrong decision to take Art as a major. I keep feeling there’s nothing good in the things I’ve made. I feel like a loser. I still can’t find which style of art that I enjoy the most. Is that a sign that I should not take Art? Or I should just not give up yet?
Oh, I will study abroad too. I’m both excited and sad. I will leave my family, my friends, my habit, my favorite Indonesian food. A lot of things I’ve been used to for years. Well of course I’m excited because man, new place, new people, new atmosphere, new adventure. But it’s just.. I’m not ready to move on.
And you know what saddens me more? My friends who keep telling me “it’s hard at the beginning but believe me, some months later you will get used to it and you won’t even want to come back.”
It hit me. It hit me like a truck full of stones.
Because I never, ever want to forget. I really enjoy the past few months. Probably the best months I’ve ever had so far.
It makes me sad that we all have to move on.
What will happen?
I want to come home to you guys again.
Wow. Did you know; just one month without going to school and getting my daily supply of laughter has really influenced me. (Or maybe it’s my fault for listening to Coldplay non-stop as I crafted stuffs). These days I feel so gloomy and I become 80% more sensitive and melancholy. Days ago I had a meet-up with my best friend and I cried. A lot.
Sometimes I think this is so useless to write or tell so I tried to just shrug it off.. but sometimes it’s too overwhelming. I know I should be praying and leave everything to Him, but I just feel like this is more of my sensitive emotion. My mental state is still so easy to be influenced.
At the end of the day, no matter how many people I’ve vented out to, I only have my God and myself. I also need to have a bigger control to my emotional state of mind.
On a happier note, I’ve just graduated high school! Quite relieved because one ‘burden’ is gone. Thank God all of us pass. And guess who got the best score in Bahasa Indonesia and English?!
Phew enough gloominess in this post. Just gotta keep my head up high.
By the way, I was planning to move to Blogspot again bahahah. Let’s see what will happen.